分享人：张煜宵
书音
现场
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分享书籍
《游戏力》
个人介绍
留美六年回国创业的元气少女
用好心理学工具的生活思想家
话题简介
游戏力，是亲子沟通的双向翻译机。它是一种能让孩子笑着听话的能力。
现场实录
说书人： 张煜宵
In the movie Arrival, aliens came to the Earth. We don’t know why they are here. We are panicked. We find several specialists to communicate in the front line with aliens, and one of them is linguist, who is good at language.
The linguist tried to understand what the aliens saying, and at the same time taught the aliens English.
What about our relationship with our kids? Perhaps, it’s very similar to the relationship between aliens and the Earth. It’s no better.
Adults use the language of English/Chinese, while kids use the language of game.
Playful parenting is a universal translator.
Children don’t say, “I had a hard day at school today. Can I talk to you about it?” They say, “Will you play with me?”
And by the end of the game, they may boost their confidence and their inner feeling of being loved. This is what they need to go back to school and solve the problem themselves.
If I can only recommend one book regards parenting, this is it.
The author Lawrence Cohen, is a father, a step-father, a grandfather, and a psychologist. He based Playful Parenting on his own experiences as a father, the joyful ones and painful ones.
Playful parenting is actually connection parenting. It’s not only about games, but to use games, empathy, understanding and love to connect.
We call it Playful parenting not because it’s all about play and play all the time, but because play is the part we usually forget. Play is the part that goes out of the window when we are stressed or worried.
When connection is built, cooperation is a natural outcome.
How to make playful parenting come into use?
Step one. Sit on the floor
Sitting on the floor means getting undressed of your uniform, being on the same level as your kid, and willing to get dirty.
Step two. Follow your kid
Every kid wants a connection, but how to connect depends on the child.
One day, a mother came and said, “My boy cannot connect. It’s awful. I need your help.” So, I visited her house.
When I arrived, her boy was jumping on the bed. I said to him, “Hey, let’s connect.”
He asked, “What’s is connect?’
“uhm,” I said, “It’s like, give me a high five, or bow to each other.”
Unfortunately, he ignored me, he went to his pile of toys and picked two Lego. I did not know what he means, I could only do the same as him.
He lifted up the hand of his Lego. I did the same. I lifted up the hand of my Lego villain. Then, wow, the boy used the hand of his Lego to shake mine.
The mother stood beside us and said, “Look, he does not ever know how to connect.”
But, the mother did not know, the boy was already making a connection. He just did not connect by mother’s imagination.
So, again, how to connect depends on the child. How to interpret depends on the parents. And playful parenting is the universal translator.
How to use playful parenting?
1. Playful parenting can solve problems.
For example, I went to swimming with my nephew one afternoon. In the dressing room, he and his friend kept screaming excitedly. I saw them play so happily, knew that lecturing is disappointing and probably useless. Accordingly, I proposed to play a game, named “Can you hear me?”
I first started screaming like them, two kids responded with a relaxed look, “We can hear you.’
Then, I talked with a normal volume, and then a smaller one, and finally I whispered.
In order to hear clearly my words, two kids stopped their breath, and used the same volume to talk to me. Finally, we three walked on tiptoe out of the dressing room quietly.
2. Playful parenting can express emotions.
When I am angry, I would say, “I’m like an erupting volcano. Magma is already here. It’s coming out. ”
Listening to all of this, you may think, I don’t have that much time to play with kids.
However, if you do the calculation, game is highly effective. One game can be repeated many times. Children can play games together. At the same time, the time you spend on chattering, getting angry, and urging, adding up together is much longer than the time on games.
Using Playful Parenting, seems slow. But slowly, is really fast.
Personally, I remember very few things back to my childhood. All the memorable scenes have nothing to do with written knowledge.
What I remember is the white skirt girl I hid behind when we were playing hawk-and-chicken.
What I remember is the two dolls I played when I was asked to practice playing piano.
What I remember is kicking shuttlecock with my friend, extending the 15-minute way home to a 2-hour one.
Back in kindergarden, I actually did something big, really big. I was 6 at that time.
During one class break, the teacher cleared her throat, and said, “Before the end of day, each one of you will take a graduation examination. Each one of you will go into the office and answer several questions.”
Exam? What is exam? Do they judge me? Do they speak bad of me?
I launched my escape plan immediately.
Plan A. I put down my cup. I went to the bathroom. I hid there, very anxious. I still could be found. People go to bathroom, a lot. Plan A disabled.
Plan B. I searched around the playground to see if there is any place I can hide. No. Plan B disabled.
Plan C. I went to the nap room right beside the classroom. I hid under the bed. I could see the teachers walk around, in and out. I could hear that they already started searching for the missing me. However, when one pair of shoes stepped in the nap room, I found hiding under the bed not that good. So after she went out, I hid into the wardrobe beside the bed. Plan C checked.
I was in the wardrobe from the late morning to the afternoon, from the afternoon to the dusk. Someone did open the door of my wardrobe, but I hid so well that they failed to catch me. I could hear that they started shouting around my name. I could hear that my classmates being picked up one by one. I could hear that, oh, my parents were here.
I became anxious again. I didn’t want to make my parents worry. I didn’t want to make the escape plan this big.
Finally, I pushed the door open, and climbed out of the wardrobe.
When I showed up at the door, the teachers were so relieved. I was not punished at all. But I still needed to go to the office and take the exam, the exam I ran away the whole day, the exam I found disappointingly easy.
After I study Playful Parenting, I can review this big event from a different perspective.
How could the teacher announce the upcoming examination in a playfully way?
How could the teacher involve herself in the hide-and-seek game when she knows the student is hiding deliberately?
This is your homework.
Kids need love and care, like a cup needs water. When they are hungry, tired, lonely, and sad, they need care and comfort, just like the empty cup needs water. Parents and other care-givers are that large reservior.
Game is indeed an easy doing. With your love and wisdom, sit on the floor, and look at the world through the lens of children.
And for you, for us adults, if without children, do you still play games?
We should. Game is actually necessary in our life. It’s a comparatively easy way to exercise our brain. Just like for kids, playing game is more effective than lecturing. It’s the same for us. We are indeed a grown-up kid.
There are two forms of game we use frequently.
1. Telling a story.
2. Using humor.
Now, I will share you a story, named Unnecessary Struggle.
A man went to a shoe house, he wanted a pair of black shoes.
The shop assistant saw him, greeting, “May I help you?”
“Yes, a pair of that, size 39.”
“Uhm, I can see your feet is actually 41? I have been in this business for ten years. I know how big the feet is the moment I see them.”
“You’re right. But I still want a pair of 39.”
“Are you sure?”
“Definitely. Who is paying it? You or me?”
“You sir. I would go and get it for you.”
“Here you are, sir. Are you buying it for someone else?”
“No. For myself. Can I have the shoehorn?”
“You want to try it on?”
“Yes.”
“okay.”
“How does it feel?”
“Very good.”
“OK. I can pack it for you.”
“No. I will wear it.”
The man put his 41 feet into the 39 shoes, bit his lips, and walked down several blocks to his workplace.
He stood for the whole afternoon. His face turned red out of pain.
His co-worker got worried about him, “Are you ok?”
“No. I bought a pair of shoes two-sizes-too-small for me.”
“What? Why did you do that?”
“I have to feel pain, you know. If not, I feel like I do not exist. If not, I feel like I am not making progress.”
Ridiculous? Ha?
But this same situation happen to you when you refuse games, when you refuse fun.
We need story. We need humor.
Both us and our kids.
That’s all. Thank you.
评论列表
renting? 1. Playful parenting can solve problems. For example, I went to swimming with my nephew one afternoon. In the dres
ut I still needed to go to the office and take the exam, the exam I ran away the whole day, the exam I found disap
thor Lawrence Cohen, is a father, a step-father, a grandfather, and a psychologist. He based Playful Parenting on his own experiences as a fath
depends on the child. One day, a mother came and said, “My boy cannot connect. It’s awful. I need your help.” So, I visited her house.